“Lord, Am I Going to Die This Week?”

My name is Gayle Purks, and this is my story...

As I looked through the windows of the hospital’s admitting office, I could see my two young children with tears in their eyes wondering what was happening to their mother.

My husband and I were both at the desk answering questions needed for my hospital stay, not knowing how long or for what physical problems. It was only three days before that I woke up from a good night’s sleep with tingling in my feet, feeling as though they were numb. The next day, my legs were getting numb, and eventually the numbness moved up to my waist.

The doctor did two spinal taps and a milligram and found nothing with which to attribute the numbness. After three days in the hospital, I was sent home to rest for six weeks, with no diagnosis and no treatment.

One night during that stay in the hospital I felt I was going to die. I cried, “God, how can you take me when my children are only 4 and 5 years old, and my husband needs me so much?” After much struggling within my mind and my emotions, I decided the most important question I had to ask was, “God, am I really and truly ready to face eternity and leave my earthly body, drawing my last and final breath?”

I had been raised in church all of my life and had heard many teachings from the Bible. Many Bible verses came to my mind as I struggled with the thought of whether I was going to die. I had to face eternity!

Earlier in my life when I lived in Texas, I went to a revival service with my family and heard a man preach that Jesus should not have been put on the cross; it was actually me that should have been nailed on the cross. The Bible tells us, “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” (Romans Chapter 3, verse 23)

I was taught from the Bible that Jesus, who knew no sin, took my place on the cross, and sacrificed for me. He said by rejecting Christ’s sacrifice for sin, I would die and go to hell with Satan. Satan wanted to be equal with God, but was forced to leave heaven and doomed to hell by God. The Bible tells us in Isaiah chapter 14, verses 13 and 14 about what Satan had planned. “For thou (Satan) hast said in thine heart… I will be like the most High.”

For the first time in my life, I admitted I was a sinner before God, doomed to hell, and I needed to accept Jesus Christ as a sacrifice for MY sin. I went up to the front during the closing invitation of the service, repented of my sin and asked Jesus to become my Savior.

What a thrill it was to know that I would go to heaven no matter when I died. The Bible says in First John chapter 5, verse 13, “These things have I written unto you… that ye may KNOW that ye have eternal life…” It is not because of my good works, but rather because of Jesus Christ.

That night in the hospital I cried out to God and He reminded me of that church service in Texas years before. I reflected back on the change in my life since receiving Jesus as my Savior. What the Bible said, I had believed. I then prayed, “God, if this is my time to die, I know I am ready to meet you and stand before you.” The Bible says in Hebrews chapter 9, verse 27, “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.”

The reality of death is something every person will face sooner or later. I am glad God did not take me during that hospital stay as I fully recovered. But, it gave me a joy and a peace in my heart to know I am ready to meet my Savior today, tomorrow or whenever I draw my last and final breath.